Translated by

CHAPTER II Secrets of Marriage 21
Benefits and harms of marriage 23
Divorce 42
Duties of husband and wife 43

Know, 0 dear readers, that there are differences of opinions among the learned men about the merits of marriage. Some say that for divine service marriage is better, some say that to remain unmarried is a means of increasing divine service. The following are the proofs that marriage is better. God says : Marry your widows. God says : Don't prevent them in taking husbands. God says in praising the Prophets : I have sent Prophets before you and gave them wives and children. By this, God gives superiority to marriage. The Prophets also prayed for good children. God says : They pray : 0 our Lord, give us such wives and children out of our descendants who will console our eyes and make the God. fearing among them leaders. Out of the Prophets, Jesus Christ did not marry but he will marry after his second advent.
HADIS : The Prophet said: Marriage is my sunnat (way), whose diverts from my sunnat is not of me. He said : Marriage is my way, whose loves my conduct should follow my way, He said : Unite in marriage tie, your numbers will increase. I will boast justly on seeing your numbers on the Resurrection Day in comparison with the followers of others. He said : He who does not marry fearing poverty is not of me. He said : Let them marry who have got means. He said : Let him marry who has got strength as marriage shuts up eye, sight and protects private parts. Let him fast who has got no means to marry as fasting is for him like castration. Castration means to remove sexual passion. Fasting brings weakness of body. The Prophet said When a man comes to you whose religion and trust please you, give in marriage to him. If you do not do it, there will be disasters and quarrels in the world. This encouragement has been given fearing disturbance and disorder. He said : He who marries and gives in marriage becomes entitled to God's care. He said : He who marries fulfills half of his religion. Let him fear God for the second half.' Generally private parts and belly create disorder in the religion of a man. Marriage removes that disorder. The Prophet said : The actions of a man come to an end except three- (1) a religions issue who prays for him, (2) a

22 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
recurring charity and (3) a religious book. A religious issue is impossible without marriage.
Wise sayings : Hazrat Omar said : Two things prevent marriage- inability and being a sinner. It appears from this that religion does not prohibit marriage. Hazrat Ibn Abbas said : No divine service becomes complete without marriage. Hazrat Omar married many wives and said : I marry for children. A companion renunciated the world and stayed with the Prophet and passed nights with him. He said to him : Will you not marry ? He said : 0 Apostle of God. I am a poor man, I have got no means. Shall I be deprived of rendering service to you ? The Prophet remained silent. He again told this to him and he replied as before. The companion then thought within his mind : The Apostle of God is well aware which thing will bring us near God and what will be our good in this world and the next. I shall certainly marry. The Prophet said to him for the third time : Will you not marry ? He said : 0 Prophet of God, get me married. A certain hermit was superior for divine service to all the people of his time and when his case was mentioned to the Prophet of his age he said : How good he is but he has given up one habit. Being grieved, he asked that Prophet about it and he said : You have not married. He said : I am poor man. I have got no means to bear its expense. He said : I will give my daughter in marriage to you. This he did. It is said that Hazrat Ali had four wives.
In short, marriage is a part of sunnat and the practices of the Prophets. A man asked Ibrahim-b-Adham : Good news to you. You can engage yourself in divine service as you are alone. He said : Your prayer in the midst of your family is better than my entire divine service. He asked : Then why do you not marry ? He said : I have got no necessity of women. I don't wish to retain connection with any women. Some one said : The rank of a married man in comparison with that of an unmarried man is equal to the rank of a Mujahid in comparison with a worshipper. One rakat prayer of a married man is better than seventy rakats of prayer of an unmarried man.
The Prophet said : After two hundred years. A man who will have no wife and children will be better. A time will come over men when he will be destroyed by his wife, parents and children.
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 23
They will give him such trouble which will be out of his capacity. As a result, he will adopt such measures for which his religion will be ruined and he will be destroyed. The Prophet said : One of the two reasons of wantlessness is a less number of family members. One of the two reasons of poverty is having too many persons. Abu Sulaiman Darani was once asked about marriage and he replied : Patience of not having a wife is better than having patience of duty towards her; and the patience of duties towards her is better than patience at Hell-fire. He also said : He who searches for three things becomes attached to the worldsearching for livelihood, marrying a woman and writing stories. Hazrat Hasan said : When God wishes good of a man. He does not keep him engaged in family and property.
There are five benefits of marriage (1) to have children, (2) to control sexual passion, (3) to find peace of mind, (4) to increase divine service (5) and to get rewards of duties to family.
(1) To have children. This is the root for which marriage is contracted. The object. is to preserve dynasty and the earth not existing without men. FOUR OBJECTS are fulfilled in having children-(a) Increase of mankind, (b) the love of the Prophet is searched by increasing his followers, (c) after death, the prayers of religious children are sought, (d) If the issues die before death, their intercession is sought. First object is very subtle and not within easy comprehension of man. It is a natural truth and the following is its proof. Take for instance that an owner of land handed over the seeds of crops and instruments of cultivation to a servant and gave him also the land for cultivation. The servant did not cultivate it, kept the instruments useless and destroyed the seeds. It is clear that he becomes then an object of wrath of the master. Similarly God created man and women he created life germ for production of children in the back of a man and the breast of a woman. The uterus is the fertile field and the male organ and the female organ are the instruments of cultivation. He also created sexual passion in the male and female for creating child by using the instruments of their organs. These prove the objects of God. The Prophet also clearly proved it by saying Marry and keep dynasty.' He who does not marry destroys the seeds and keeps the instrument useless and idle and goes against the object of God. For this reason to kill the child and to bury it
24 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
alive have been prohibited. QUESTION may be asked that when the object of God is to preserve dynasty, then why He prescribed it destruction by death. Life and death though opposed to each other are within the will of God as love and hatred though opposed to each other are within God's will. God says : He does not love infidelity for His servants. There is in a Hadis Qudsi that God said : I feel no greater grief for anything than to take the life, of My Muslim servant. He considers death as disliking to him and I don't like to trouble him, but there is no escape from death. God says : I have prescribed death among you. He says : I have created life and death. So the words of God-I have fixed death among you' and I don't wish to inflict trouble on him-these two verses are not opposed to each other, but they express truth. This is the will of God.
(2) Second object of children : By marriage, love is expressed towards the Prophet and efforts are made to increase his followers as he will boast for the increased number of his followers on the Resurrection Day. The Prophet said : A prison in a corner of a house is better than a childless woman. He said : Among your woman, a lovely woman producing many children is better. He said : An ugly woman with children is better than a beautiful woman having no children. It appears from the above traditions that the object of marriage is to get children and not only satisfaction of sexual passion.
(3) Third object of children. If anybody leaves a religious son or daughter, the or she may pray for his or her dead parents. There is in Hadis that the actions of a man end by death except his three actions. He mentioned among them a religious issue. The Prophet said : The invocations are presented like the layers of light of a dead man. If an issue is religious, his parents get the rewards of his pious actions and invocation as he is the earning of his parents, but his parents are not punished for his sins as nobody bears the burden of another. God says : I will attach them to their issues and they will suffer no loss owing to their evil actions but their good deeds will increase owing to the good deeds of their children.
(4) Fourth object of children. If a child dies before his father or mother, he will make intercession for his father or mother. The Prophet said : A child will carry its parents towards Paradise. There is another Hadis : He will draw his parents as I draw your
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 25
cloth. He said : It will be said to the child : Enter Paradise. He will go to the door of Paradise and say in an angry mood : I will not enter Paradise without my parents. It will then be said to him Admit his parents along with him in Paradise. There is in another Hadis : The children will be brought along with other men in the place of judgment. The angels will be said: Take their children to Paradise. They will be waiting at the door of Paradise . They will be said : Welcome to the Muslim children. Enter and there is no account on you . They will say : Where are our parents? The guard will reply : Your parents are not like you. They have got sins and faults for which they will be summoned and they will be called to account. Then they will make tremendous noise before Paradise. God will say : What is this cry for ? They will then disclose the above thing. God will say : Leave them all, so that they can take their parents to Paradise . The Prophet said : he whose two children predeceased him will be safe from Hell. He said : God will admit out of His mercy one whose three issues who have not attained puberty predeceased him He was asked : 0 Messenger of God , if two of them predeceased ? He said : Even if two predeceased him.

(2) Second benefit of marriage is to be safe from the devil, to satisfy lust and to save private parts. The Prophet said : If a man marries, half of his religion is saved. Fear God for the remaining half. The Prophet said : let one who is unable to marry fast, as fast for him is the means of controlling passion. The pleasure which lies in sexual intercourse is only an example of next worldly happiness. There is no benefit in a thing of which there is no pleasure. A minor boy will not get any pleasure in sexual intercourse nor there is any benefit in it. A boy shall not find any taste in reign, nor there is any taste in it. God created pleasure of the world with this object that if the people have pleasure they will be eager to have lasting pleasure of the next world. To get this pleasure divine service is necessary. The marriage is a means of saving oneself from the oppression of sexual passion. Heart is the root of all actions of a traveller towards the next world. Hazrat Ibn Abbas said : The worship of a man does not become perfect without divine service. Got says that man has been created weak. Hazrat Akramah and Mujahid explain this that man cannot be patient regarding women. Faiaz-b-Nazih said When the male organ of a man stands erect., two third of his intellect go away. God says : When there falls the darkness of
26 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
night, seek refuge from its evils. Hazrat Ibn Abbas explain this by saying : Seek refuge from the devil when the male organ stands erect. The Prophet said . 0 God I seek refuge to Thee from the evils of my ears, my heart and myself. He said : I pray to Thee for purity of my mind and protection of my private parts. The sage Junaid said : Sexual intercourse is as much necessary for me as food in necessary. The Prophet said : If the look of man falls on my woman, let him turn it towards himself and cohabit with his wife, in that case his evil desire will go away. Hazrat Jaber reported that once the Prophet looked to a certain woman. He soon went to his wife Zainab and performed his necessity. After that he came out and said ; If a woman comes in front, she comes as a devil. If one of you sees a woman who pleases him, let him come to his wife as what is near that woman is also near his wife.. The Prophet said : Don't go to a woman in absence of her husband as the devil runs through your veins like the circulation of blood. We asked him : In your case also ? He said : In my case also but Got helped me over him and he submitted to me. This means : I have been saved from the machinations of the devil.

Once a young man asked Hazrat Ibn Abbas : I am a young man, I have got no wife. I fear sin in most cases and many a time I take out semen by hand pollution. Is there any sin in it ? Hazrat Ibn Abbas turned his face from him and said : Alas ! it is better to marry a slave girl than it, but it is better than fornication. Sexual passion is so strong in some man that one wife cannot satisfy him and so there is provision of marrying four wives. Hazrat Ali took a wife seven days after the death of Fatima. It is said that Hazrat Hasan took many wives but not more than four at a time. The Prophet said to Hasan : You have got in you my character, and appearance. The Prophet said : Hasan is from me and Hussain is from Ali. Some of the companions had three or four wives and those who took two wives were many.

(3) Third benefit of marriage: Marriage brings peace in mind and there grows love between the couple. This peace of mind is necessary for divine service. God says : He created you from a single person and created his mate from him, so that he may find consolation in her. Hazrat Ali said : Give peace to mind as it becomes blind when it becomes disturbed. There is Hadis that the there are three special times for a wise man ; he speaks secretly with his lord at one time, he takes accounts of his actions
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 27
at another time and he remains busy with his food and drink at another time. In another narration, a wise man in not desirous expect of three matters : to earn the livelihood of the next world, to earn the livelihood of this world and to take taste of lawful things. The Prophet said : There is effort in every action and there is langour in every effort. He who takes langour goes towards my sunnat and guidance. The Prophet said : On complaint to Gebrail about the lessening of my sexual passion, he advised me to take Harisah. The Prophet said : Three things are dear to me among your earthly matter-scent, woman and prayer, the latter is the doll of my eyes. This comfort is necessary for peace of mind.

(4) Fourth benefit of marriage: Leisure is found for divine service. The wife lessens the duties of a man regarding cooking of food, spreading of bed, cleansing of utensils and other duties of livelihood. A chaste and religious wife helps here husband in this manner. Solaiman Darani said : A religious wife does not only appertain to three things of enjoyments of the world, rather such a woman is one of the instruments of the next world. She gives leisure to her husband for doing divine service by performing house-hold duties and satisfying his sexual passion. The Prophet said : Let one of you have a grateful heart, a remembering tongue and a chaste wife helping him for the next world. Hazrat Omar said : Noting better has been given to a man after faith than a virtuous wife. No wealth is compared as valuable to a man as a chaste wife. The Prophet said: I have been given superiority over Adam for two conducts. Adam's wife was his helper in a sinful act but my wives are my helpers in my religious affairs. The devil-was disobedient to Adam but he submitted to me and he orders me nothing but truth.

(5) Fifth benefit of marriage: There are some duties arising out of marriage which are considered as divine service-to maintain family, to have patience at the character and conduct of the wife, to bear the hardships of the family members, to try to do good to them, to show them the path of religion, to earn for them lawful things and to educate the children. The Prophet said: One day of a just ruler is better than divine service for seventy years.' To rule a family is no less task than a king. He said : Be careful, everyone of you is a ruler and everyone of you will be asked about his subjects. The Prophet said : What man spends for his family will be considered as an act of charity. Even if he lifts a
28 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
morsel of food to the mouth of his wife, he will get rewards therefor. A learned man mentioned about his actions regarding his pilgrimage, jihad and other good works to another learned man. The latter said : you are far away in comparison with the religious acts of Abdals. He asked him : What are those ? He said Those are lawful earnings and expense for family. The Prophet said : He whose prayer is good, who has got a big family, whose wealth is little and who abstains from defaming the Muslim will live in Paradise with me like these two fingers. He said : God loves the poor man having a big family and refraining from begging. There is in another Hadis that if the sins of the family members of a man become large, God tries them therewith that they may be expiations of his sins. A certain wise man said There is a certain sin of which there is no expiation except patience at the trouble of maintaining a family. The Prophet said If a man has got three daughters and he spends for their maintenance, God makes Paradise sure for him, except one whose sin in not pardonable.

HARMS OF MARRIAGE There are three harms of marriage:
(1) Lawful earnings become difficult as a result of marriage. There is in Hadis that if a man earns virtues to the height of mountain, he shall have to wait near the Balance and accounts will be taken from him of his wealth, of his expenditure, of his maintenance and other matters. The children will say to God on the Resurrection Day : 0 our Lord, take from him the account of his duties towards us, he did not teach us what we did not know and he gave us unlawful food to eat without our knowledge. Take compensation from him for these. The Prophet said Nobody will meet God with a greeter sin than with a sin of keeping his family members uneducated. Very few people will get release from this danger.

(2) Second harm of marriage is the lack of duty towards family members, to lose patience at their character and conduct and no to forbear the hardship inflicted by them. The Prophet said : Sufficient for the sin of a man is not to fulfill his duties of maintenance for which he is responsible. He also said : The fleeing of a man from his family is like that of a slave from his master. His prayer and fast are not accepted till he returns.' He
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 29
who neglects to do his duty of maintenance is like a fleeing man even though he remains present. God says : Save yourselves and your family members from Hell. The sage Ibrahim-b- Adham raised objection to marry saying : I don't wish to let any woman do any fault and I have got no necessity for woman.
(3) Third harm of marriage is to keep away the family members and children from the remembrance of God, to encourage them to hoard up wealth and to search for objects of pride and boast. Whatever thing diverts attention from God is a cause of misfortune. Ibrahim-b-Adham said : He who keeps sticking to the waist of his wife gets no benefit. These are the benefits and harms of marriage. To marry is better or not depends on the personal character of man. These benefits and harms are by way of advice and they show path. Marriage is good for one who is not diverted from the remembrance of God and from the path of honesty and virtue. In the contrary case, marriage is bad for him, If there is necessity of controlling sexual passion, marriage is necessary. Jesus Christ did not marry inspite of his high and lofty position as a Prophet. The Holy Prophet, placed in the highest rank among men, took several wives and yet he did not not forget God for a moment. Even he used to get revelation at the time when he was in the same bed
with his wife Ayesha.
There are some rules of marriage. There are four conditions of a woman being lawful for a man. (1) Permission of guardian is necessary in case of marriage of minor boy and minor girl without which the marriage is void, Ruler or his representative is guardian in cases where there is no guardian (2) The consent of a grown up girl is necessary for her marriage, whether she is unmarried or widow. (3) Two major witnesses, are necessary. They will inform the audience of the girl's consent. (4) Proposals and acceptances of the bride and bridegroom are necessary.
Some rules of marriage- (1) Proposal of marriage is to be submitted to the guardian of the girl. Khutba must be recited before marriage along with proposal and acceptance. The guardian of the girl will say : All praise is for God and blessing on God's Apostle, I give my daughter in marriage to you. The
30 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
bridegroom. will say : All praise is for God and blessings on His Prophet, I accept her in marriage on this fixed dower. (3) The bride should be informed of the condition of the bridegroom. It is better that they should see each other before marriage (4). Two witnesses are necessary for marriage. (5) One should have intention to establish sunnat of the Prophet by marriage and to seek issues. (6) It is good to perform it in the month of Shawal. The Prophet married Ayesha in Shawal and took her in his house in Shawal. (7) The bride must be in pure state at the time of marriage. This means-She must not be the wife of another man. It cannot be performed during period of waiting. She must not be infidel or retrograde. She must not be a slave of another. She must not be within the prohibited degrees of the husband-mother, mother's mother, daughter, sister, father's sister, foster mother, foster sister, wife's previous husband's daughter, grand daughter, fifth wife, sister of wife who is alive or her mother's sister, a woman who cursed her husband, a woman no in Ihram state.
The following qualifications of the bride should be sought.
(1) Religion : The bride should be religious and possess good conduct. This is the main quality of the bride. A man came to the Prophet and said : 0 Messenger of God, my wife does not repulse any foreign touch. He said : Divorce her. He said : I love her. The Prophet said : Then keep her. The Prophet said : Marry a girl for her wealth, for her beauty, for her qualities and for her religion. You should consider the attribute of her religion. May your hands be covered with dust. There is in another Hadis : He who marries a woman for beauty and wealth is deprived of her beauty and wealth. If a man marries for protection of his religion God gives him the means of beauty and wealth. The Prophet said Don't marry a woman only for her beauty, perchance her beauty will be a cause of her ruin. Don't marry her only for her wealth, perchance her wealth will make her disobedient. Marry her only for her religion. He laid a great stress on her religious habits, as such a wife becomes a helper in religion.
(2) Good Conduct : If the wife is harsh and rough and ungrateful, her harms are more than her benefits. One Azdi met Prophet Was who ordered him to marry and prohibited him to have recourse to mockery. Then he said to Azdi : Don't marry four kinds of women- (1) a woman who always seeks dresses
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 31
without any reason, (2) a woman who boasts before other women regarding her wealth and riches, (3) a woman who is a sinner and unchaste and who has got friends (God says of such women Don't marry such women who take friends secretly) and (4) a woman who takes pride before here husband with haughty words. Hazrat Ali said : There are some conducts which are bad for a male but good for a female- miserliness, pride and cowardice. When a woman is miser, she protects her wealth and her husband's wealth and properties. When a woman is proud, she becomes soft and rejects doubtful talks. When a woman is coward, she keeps separate from her friends and fears to go to any place of defamation for fear of her husband.

(3) Beauty : Beauty is also to be sought of a girl as it saves one from fornication. For this reason, it is mustahab or commendable to see a bride before marriage. The Prophet said : When any of you wishes in his mind to marry a women, let him look at her, as it generates mutual love. The Prophet said: If any of you wishes ,to marry an Ansar woman, let him look at her as there is something in the eyes of Ansars.' It is said that they have got yellow colour in their eyes. Hazrat A'mash said : The result of a marriage which is performed without mutual sight of bride and bride-groom is sorrow and anxiety. The sage Malek-b-Dinar said: A man does not marry an orphan girl, but she remains pleased simply with food and clothes and there is less expense of her. The people marry girls of good fortune and wealth, but they demand fine foods, dresses. Imam Ahmad married a deaf woman although he had a beautiful cousin. He did not wish comforts and pleasures. God says : They are beautiful and good. He says : They look askance,' meaning they are loving to the husbands and eager to have their company. The Prophet said : Of all your women, the best one is she who gives her husband pleasure when he looks at her. She obeys him when he orders her and protects her body and his properties when her husband remains absent.

(4) Dower. The Prophet said : The best woman is she who is beautiful and whose dower is little. He prohibited dower beyond limit and one's capacity. The Prophet gave only ten dirhams as dower to some of his wives and some articles of household. He gave some of them dower of two mads of wheat or dates or two mads of maize. Some of the companions of the Prophet fixed dower of a piece of gold for their marriage. It is said that it valued
32 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
only five dirhams. There is in Hadis that there is good in a woman who is given in marriage without delay, who gives birth to a child without delay and for whom a small amount of dower is fixed. One should not marry coveting many goods from the bride. Mutual presents are commendable and signs of love. The Prophet said ; Give present, it will beget mutual love and don't seek too much present from each other. God says : Don't give present in search of excessive presents.
(5) Bride should not be barren if it is known . The Prophet said: Marry lovely and child-bearing women.
(6) Bride should be virtuous: The Prophet said to Hazrat Jaber : Why have you not married a virgin girl, so that you could have played with her and she could have played with you ? He married a previously married woman. There are three benefits if a virgin girl is married. She loves her husband. The woman who enjoyed husband is generally addicted to her previous husband. Another benefit is that the love of the husband for his wife becomes perfect and the third benefit is that a virgin girl will not have occasion to grieve for a previous husband.
(7) She must come of a respectable family: If she comes of a good family, she can educate her issues good manners and good conduct. The Prophet said : Choose woman for your semen, as a vein is like an arrow.
(8) Bride should not be a near relative as in that case sexual passion becomes less. The Prophet said : Don't marry a near relative as in that case a child is born weak. The Prophet said : he who gets his daughter married to a transgressor, cuts of his blood tie.
The husband shall observe twelve rules after marriage.
(1) Marriage feast is commendable. Hazrat Anas reported The Prophet once saw yellow colour on the body of Abdur Rahman-b- Auf and said : What is it? He said : I have married a woman in lieu of a piece of gold. He said : May God bless you both. Give feast with a goat. When the Prophet married Sufiyah, he gave feast with grapes and wheat. The Prophet said : Feast on
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 33
the first day is a duty, feast on the second day is sunnat and feast on the third days is for show. If a man who does an act for show, God will disgrace him, It is commendable to give blessing to the bridegroom thus : May God unite you both in good. It is commendable to proclaim marriage. The Prophet said Distinguish between lawful and unlawful thing by proclamation or marriage by beating 'Daf' He said : Proclaim this marriage, perform it in mosque and beat 'Daf' for it.

(2) The husband should treat well with his wife. God says Treat them with kindness . God says in the fulfillment of their duties: I have taken a solemn oath from you. The Prophet gave three instructions at the time of his death. Soon after that, his tongue was closed and his words stopped. He was saying-prayer, prayer. Don't inflict trouble on one whom your right hands possess beyond his capacity . And about your women-they are prisoners in your hands. You have, taken them as trusts of God and you have made their private parts lawful with the words of God. The Prophet said.: If a man keeps patience at the ill-treatment of his wife, God will give him rewards like the rewards of Ayub which God gave him for his patience in disasters. If a wife keeps patience at the ill-treatment of her husband, God will give her rewards like the rewards which God gave to Asiyah, wife of Pharaoh. To have patience at the time when the wife gets angry and when she gives trouble is following the Prophet in good treatment with her. It is not merely to restrain oneself from inflicting troubles on the wife. The wives of the Prophet at times argued before the Prophet. Once a wife of the Prophet placed her hand on the chest of the Prophet and gave him a push. At this, her mother rebuked here. The Prophet said : Leave her, as she does more than this. Once there was altercation between the Prophet and Hazrat Ayesha, when they found Hazrat Abu Bakr as their judge. Hazrat Ayesha said to the Prophet : You speak but don't speak except truth. At, once Hazrat Abu Bakr gave her such a slap that blood began to ooze out from her mouth. Then he said : 0 enemy, will he speak but truth ? Then she took refuge to the Prophet.

(3) Make plays and sports with the wife after bearing hardships given by her. This gives pleasure to the wife. The Prophet used to cut joker with his wives and come down to the level of their intelligence in their manual labours. The Prophet
34 Secrets of Marriage Vol-If
ran races with Ayesha. One day Ayesha won the race and on another day, the Prophet won it and said : This is the revenge of that day. The Prophet said : The most perfect believer in faith is one who is the best of them in good conduct. The Prophet said : The best of you is one who treats best with his wife among you. Hazrat Omar inspite of his sternest said : Stay in the house with your wife like a boy. When the wife demands things from her husband, he should treat like a man The wise Loqman said : A wise man should live in his house like a boy and when she stays among people, he should stay like a man. There is it, a Hadis Qudsi : God dislikes a man who is stem to his family and self-conceited. The Prophet said to Jaber : Have you not found a virgin to marry ? You could have played with her and she with you. A desert woman described her husband after his death : By God, he was fond of sports and when there was darkness, he remained silent.
(4) Don't sport with wife so much that her conduct is ruined and fear goes out of her mind, but take to middle course, Don't give up your duties and strike some sort of fear in her mind at the time of doing evils. Hazrat Omar said: Act opposite to women as there is blessing in opposing them. Some one said : Take advice from them but act to the contrary . The Prophet said : He who becomes the slave of women is ruined. He said for this reason that if a husband acts according to the wishes of his wife, he becomes her slave and is thus ruined as God has made him her master. The right of a husband is that the wife should follow him and the husband should not follow her. God termed the husbands as the maintainers of women and husbands as masters. God says : Both (Julaikha and Eusuf) found the master (husband) of Julaikha near the door. Imam Shafeyi said. If you honour three kinds of men they will disgrace you and if you disgrace them, they will honour you-wife servant and Nabati. Evils and little intelligence are strong over them. The Prophet said : The example of a religious woman among general women is that of a crow with white belly among one hundred crows. The wise Loqman advised his son: 0 dear son, fear unchaste wife, as she will make you grow old before you grow old. Fear the harms of women as they do not call towards good. Beware of unchaste women. The Prophet said: Seek refuge to God from three calamities. An unchaste wife will make you old before you get, old. In another narration-If you go to her, she will rebuke you. If you
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 35
don't go to her, she will be treacherous to you When the Prophet fell seriously ill and could not come out to the mosque for prayer, he said to Abu Bakr to lead the prayer. Hazrat Ayesha said : The mind of my father is soft. When he will find your place vacant, he will be perturbed. The Prophet said : When you prevent Abu Bakr to lead the prayer, you have swayed towards your low desires being misguided from the right path. When the wives of the Prophet disclosed the secret talks of the Prophet , God said : If both of you make repentance to God , he will unite your hearts. He said this regarding his good wives . The Prophet said : No nation prospers over whom a woman rules.

(5) Take middle course in case of anger. Don't make excess in enquiring into their secret matters. The Prophet prohibited following the secrets of women. In another narration. He prohibited to go suddenly to them. Once the Prophet returned with his companions from a journey to Medina and said to them
Don't go to your wives this night suddenly. Two of them went to their wives without paying heed to his words and found disagreeable things in their houses. There is a famous Hadis : A wife is like the crooked bone by the side of a husband. If you go to make it straight, it will break. If you leave it as it is, it will be more crooked. 'It is said for her correction. The Prophet said There is an action in anger which God hates-to get angry at the wife without entertaining any doubt, as it is included within bad conjectures which have been prohibited "Some conjecture is sin." Hazrat Ali said : Don't get angry at your wife, lest evils may come out. To disclose guilts in proper place is necessary as it is praiseworthy. The Prophet said : God has got wrath and a believer also has got wrath. God has got wrath when a servant commits an unlawful thing. The Prophet said : Do you wonder at the anger of Sa'ad? By God, I am more wrathful than him and God is more wrathful than me. For His wrath, He made unlawful both open and secret indecencies.

The Prophet said: I was taken to Paradise in the night of Miraj. I found a palace there. I asked : For whom is this palace 7 It was said that it is for Omar. I wished to see Omar therein and and remembered his anger. Omar wept and said : 0 Messenger of God, shall I be angry at you ? The Prophet said : There is such anger which God loves and such anger which God hates. There is such pride which God loves and such pride which God hates. The
36 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
anger which God loves is anger at things of doubt and the anger which God hates is anger at the things beyond doubt. The pride which God loves is the pride at the time of Jihad and self- conceit of a man at the first advent of danger. The pride which God hates is pride at an useless thing. The Prophet once asked Fatima Which thing is good for woman ? She said that she should not look at another man and another man should not look at her The Prophet drew her close to him and said : This daughter is worthy issue of a worthy father. He considered her reply as good. Hazrat Omar issued order : The females will stay within their houses if they dress well. He said : Habituate your women to stay within their houses. The Prophet once issued order to the women to be present in the mosques. Hazrat Ayesha said : If the Prophet after his death would have seen the condition of women, he would have prohibited them to come out. The Prophet gave permission to women to come out for I'ds.
(6) Just expense : Don't make your hand of expense narrow in case of women, nor spread it, but keep the balance between the two. God says : Eat and drink but do not be extravagant. God says : Don't make your hand tied up to your neck, nor spread it to its utmost. The Prophet said : The best of you is who is best of you to is wife : The Prophet said : The best in reward of what you spend in the way of God, for the poor and for your wife is what you spend for your wife. Some one said : Hazrat Ali had four wives. He used to buy meat in every four days for one dirham for each of his wives. The sage Ibn Sirin said : It is commendable to give feast every week for family members.
(7) A husband will teach his wife religious matters, as all men have been given orders to save the members of their families from fire. God says : Save yourselves and your family members from Hell-fire. So to teach religious learnings, articles of faith and all the questions of religion is necessary.
(8) If there is more than one wife, the husband should be mete out equal treatment to all. If the husband wishes to take one wife with him in journey, he should select her by casting lottery as the Prophet used to do it. The Prophet said : It a man has got two wives and if he is inclined more to one of them, he will appear on the Resurrection Day with of his limbs crooked. Spending nights and giving presents to them both must be equal, but equal love is not necessary as mind cannot be divided equally. God says : You
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 37
will not be able to treat equally among wives though you desire. The Prophet used to divide the nights equally among his wives and said : 0 God, this is my efforts. Don't make me responsible for what is beyond my power and capacity and what is in Thy power and not within my power. The Prophet loved Ayesha more than any other wife. His wives knew it.

(9) Appoint two judges from the side of the husband and the wife to arbitrate between them in case of disputes. If they have got willingness to settle, God will settle between them. The wife should be separated gradually and not all at once. At first she should be given advice. If it does not bear fruit, she should be seperated from bed. This should be done for one to three nights. If it does not bear fruit, beat her mildly but don't inflict physical torture on her, don't shed her blood or slap her on the face. The Prophet was once asked about the rights of wife over her husband. He said : If the husband eats, he shall give her food. If the husband puts on cloth, he shall give her clothes. Don't change her face, but beat her mildly without causing any wound and do not leave her except in the hose she usually spends the nights, get angry at her for not observing her religious duties and for this, be separate from her from ten to even thirty days. The Prophet once remained absent from his wives for one month.

(10) Rules of sexual intercourse: At the beginning of sexual intercourse, take the name of God by reciting "Bismillah' and read Takbir and Tahlil after chapter Ikhlas and say : 0 God, If Thou takes out semen from my back, make it a good issue. The Prophet said : When one of you comes to your wife, let him say 0 God, save me from the devil and save the devil from what thou hast provided us. The result is that the devil will not be able to injure the child that is born of such a intercourse. Don't face the Ka'ba at the time of intercourse and cover your body and the body of your wife . The Prophet used to cover his head, shut up his mouth and say to his wife. Take peace. There is in Hadis When any-one of you comes to his wife, let him not fall suddenly upon her but let him speak words of love and kiss each other. The Prophet said : Let none of you fall suddenly upon his wife like a lower animal. Let him send messenger before cohabitation. Some one asked : What is the messenger ? 0 Prophet. He said : Kiss and words of love. The Prophet said : In three matters, the weakness of a male is expressed-firstly if a
38 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
lover meets his beloved, both separating without enquiring about their mutual condition and health; secondly, not to return honour if it is shown to him, or not to do any benefit; thirdly to cohabit with wife or female without talking with her or without kissing her and to be unable to restrain the ejaculation of his semen before that of the semen of his wife. It is not commendable to cohabit with wife on the first, middle and last dates of the lunar month. It is commendable to cohabit in Friday-night. When his semen comes out, let him keep his body sometime upon her breasts till her semen comes out as her semen comes out late. It is painful to her to be separated from her husband when her sexual passion rises high.
A young husband should cohabit with his wife once in four days. To keep the character of the wife, it may be increased or decreased. To cohabit with wife at the time of her menstruations is unlawful . It is however, lawful to enjoy her without sexual intercourse. God say : Come to your field where you wish ; It is also allowed to sleep with her during this time.
(11) Birth-control: It is a rule of cohabitation that the semen should not be thrown out of uterus as with God decreed must come to pass. The Prophet also said so. There are differences of opinion among the learned men regarding Ajal which means throwing of semen not in the uterus but outside it. One party say that Ajal is lawful under all circumstance and another party say that it is unlawful under all circumstances. Another party say that with the consent of wife, it is lawful . Another party say that in case of female, slaves, it is lawful and not in case of free women. To us, the custom o f Ajal is lawful, but it is not commendable for the reason that the merits of throwing semen in uterus were given up. For instance, it is Makruh or not commendable if a person sits idle in mosque without remembering God. The object is that not do a thing for which it is intended is Makruh. There is virtue in producing a child but it is given up in Ajal. The Prophet said : If a man cohabits with his wife, the reward of producing a child is written for him-such a child who becomes martyr fighting in the way of God. He said this in consideration of reward, because if a child is born like this he will get reward , for producing a cause in the way of God. This is possible if semen is thrown into uterus.
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 39
That birth-control by Ajal is lawful is supported by Qiyas or inference from the Quran. Though there is no clear verse regarding it, yet it can be gathered therefrom by inference. It is this. It is not unlawful to give up marriage, or to give up sexual intercourse after marriage or to give up ejaculation of semen after sexual intercourse. It is true that rewards are given up on these actions, but absence of action is not unlawful. There is no difference in these three things. A child is born after semen is thrown into uterus. Before it, there are four stages-(1) to marry, (2) then to cohabits, (3) then to have patience to eject semen after intercourse. (4) then to throw semen into the uterus and then to stay in that condition till semen is settled in uterus. The life of a child coming into existence has got some stages-(1) Semen in uterus should be mixed with female ova. If both are mixed, it is sin to destroy it. There is no sin if they are not allowed to mix (2) If it is created into a clot of blood and a lump of flesh, it is more hateable to destroy it. (3) If life is infused into that lump of flesh, it is most hateable to destroy it. (4) The last limit of this sin is to destroy the child when it is born. If the male semen is mixed with the blood of menses of a woman, it is condensed, as when something is mixed with milk, milk is condensed. It is just like proposal and acceptance which constitute an agreement or contract. Both things are necessary for a contract. If there is proposal but no acceptance there is no sin in breaking it. The ejaculation of semen is like a proposal and its throwing into uterus is like its acceptance. If it is thrown outside, the proposal is lost. There is no sin in it. Therefore, to throw semen outside the uterus before it is mixed up with female ova is not sin.

Question: If there is no sin in throwing semen outside uterus, still it is bad as the object of semen is to produce a child and if it is not done, it is a secret shirk.

Answer: There are four objects of Ajal : (1) To preserve the beauty and health of the wife and thus to enjoy her always . If semen is destroyed with these objects, it is not unlawful. (2) To prevent birth of too many children. it is not lawful. To maintain too many children is very difficult. The verse of God guaranting maintenance of all creatures means perfection of God-reliance and perfection of merits and rewards but it is no sin to give up highest stage of merits just as it is no sin to protect wealth and properties and to hoard up for a limited period. This is the
40 Secrets of Marriage Vol-11
meaning of the following verse of God. There is no animal in the earth of which the maintenance is not upon God. (3) To take birth-control for fear of the birth of daughters. This is unlawful . The Arabs before Islam used to bury their daughters alive and they feared the birth of daughters. It was prohibited by the Quran. If with the above object, marriage or sexual intercourse is given up, it will be committing sin, but these actions simply without that object are not sinful. If semen is thrown not into uterus with the above object it will be sin. (4) to protect the honour of woman, to keep her neat and clean and to save her from maintaining children. To throw semen out side the uterus with these objects is unlawful.

If you question that the Prophet said. "He who gives up marriage for fear of child-birth is not of us" the answer is that to do Ajal is like not to marry and the meaning of "he is not of us" is that our sunnat or way is better. The Prophet also said : There is secret murder in Ajal and he thereafter recited this verse : When those buried alive will asked for which sin they were killed. The answer to the above verse is that there is an authentic Hadis about the legality of Ajal. Secret murder in the above Hadis means secret shirk. It is Makruh and not unlawful. Hazrat Ali Said : Life, comes into being after seven stages. Then he read this verse : I have created man from dried clay, then I placed it as semen in its resting places, then I created semen into clot of blood, then the clot of blood into lump of flesh, then the lump of flesh into bones, then the bones covered with flesh and then I created it into another creation. In other words, I infused into it life. Then he recited this verse : When one buried alive will be asked for what fault he was murdered. There is in Sahihs Bukhari and Moslem that Hazrat Jaber said : We used to practice Ajal at the time of the Prophet and the Quran was then being revealed. When this news reached the Prophet he did not prohibit us from it. There is another Hadis reported by Jaber : A man came to the Prophet and said : I have got a slave girl. She serves us and gives water to the palm trees. I cohabit with her but I don't wish that she should conceive. The Prophet said Practice Ajal with her if you wish but what has been decreed must come to pass. Then after some time the man came to the Prophet and said : The slave girl has conceived. The Prophet said : What has been decreed must come to pass. This is in Shahihs Bukhari and Moslem.
Vol-11 The Book of Wordly Usages 41
(12) If the child is born, five rules shall have to be observed. 1) It is not good to be pleased with the birth of a son and displeased with the birth of a daughter. The Prophet said : If a man has got a daughter, teaches her good manners, gives her good food and gives charity to her out of what God has given him, she becomes the cause of fortune to him and makes the path to paradise easy for him after saving him from Hell fire. The Prophet said : If a man has got two daughters or sisters and teaches them good manners up to their marriage, he and I will be in paradise like these two fingers. The Prophet said : If a Muslim goes to market, purchases something and after returning home gives it first to his daughters and not to the sons, God will look at him and God will not punish one to whom He will look. The Prophet said : If a man takes a good thing for his family from the market, its rewards are like those of charity. He should first give it to the hand of his daughter and then to that of his son. He who incurs pleasure of his daughter will get rewards of weeping in fear of God. If a man weeps for fear of God, God makes his body unlawful for Hell. The Prophet said : If a man has got three daughters or sisters and keeps patience at the loss by supplying their demands, God will admit him in Paradise. A man asked him : 0 Messenger of God, if a man has got two ? He said : Even if he has got two. The man again asked him : If he has got one ? He said : Even if he has got one.

(b) To give Azan to the ears of the child . The father of Rafe said : I have seen the Prophet proclaiming Azan into the ears of Hasan when he was born. The Prophet said : Give Azan to the right ear of the newly born child and Aqamat to his left ear. When the child begins to talk, teach him "There is no deity but God". 'This should be his first word. On the seventh day, make circumcision of his male organ. (c) Give good name to the child. The Prophet said; When you give name, give name of slavery He said : The best of names are Abdullah and Abdur Rahman (slave of God) He said : Name according to the names of God and do not give surname according to my surname. The Prophet said Don't unite my name and my surname. The Prophet said: On the resurrection day, you will be called by your names or the names of your fathers.

(4) Two goats for a son and one goat for a daughter should be sacrificed which is called Aqiqah. There is no harm if only one
42 Secrets of Marriage
goat is sacrificed for a son. It is sunnat to give in charity gold or silver to the weight of the hairs of the child , The Prophet ordered Hazrat Fatima to shave the head of Hussain on the seventh day and to give silver after weighing his hairs.
(5) Besmear the vertex of the child's head with dates or sweet things. Hazrat Asma'a said : Hazrat Abdullah-b-Zubair was born at Kubba. When he was brought before the Prophet, he prayed for him and besmeared dates on his body. Then he threw some of his saliva to his mouth. Then he besmearerd dates on the scalp of his head and prayed for him. He is the first child born in Islam.
Divorce is lawful, but of all the lawful things, the most detestable to God is divorce. God says : If they obey you, don't seek ways regarding them.' If your father dislikes her, give her divorce Hazrat Ibn Omar said : I loved my wife very much, but my father Omar did not like her. When he ordered me to divorce her, I informed it to the Prophet. He said: 0 son of Omar, divorce her. This shows that duty towards father is greater. God says Don't drive her out of your house till she does indecent action openly. God says : There is no fault in getting release on payment of wealth. The Prophet said : If a woman seeks divorce from her husband without any reason, she will not get the fragrance of Paradise. In another narration : Paradise is unlawful for her. In another narration, the Prophet said :The women who seek divorce are hypocrites.
(1) The husband will divorce the wife in her pure state and not at the time of menstrual discharge. Hazrat Omar divorced his wife at the time of her menstrual discharge. The Prophet said to Omar: Tell him to take her back and keep her till her menstrual discharge ends. Thereafter, she will have monthly menses and she will be pure. Then he may divorce her or take her back. This is the period of waiting which God ordered. (2) Don't unite three divorces at a time. If he is repentant within the period of waiting, she maybe taken back : (3) After divorce, give maintenance to the wife and presents. This is compulsory on the husband . (4) Don't disclose the secrets of wife at the time of divorce. There is such prohibition in authentic hadis.
Vol-II The Book of Wordly Usages 43

(1) If the husband wants to enjoy her body, she should not refuse. The Prophet said : If the wife of a man dies while he is pleased with her, she will enter Paradise. The Prophet said When women prays five times a day, fasts the month of Ramazan, saves her private parts and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise of her Lord. The Prophet said about women: They bear children, give birth to children and show affection to the children. Even though they do not come to their husbands, they will enter Paradise, they will enter Paradise if they pray. The Prophet said : I peeped into Hell and found that the majority of its inmates are women. It was asked : Why, 0 Messenger of God ? He said : They take recourse to much curse and deny relatives. There is in another Hadis : I peeped into Paradise and found that there are few women there. I asked : Where are the women ? He said : Two things of reddish colour stood as a stumbling block against them-gold and Jafran (ornaments and varied dresses). Once a girl came to the Prophet and asked : I don't want to get married . The Prophet said : Yes, get married anti it is better. A woman of Khasham tribe once came once came to the Prophet and asked him: 1 want to marry, but what are the rights of the husband ? He said : When he wants her, she will not refuse it even though she remains on a camel's back. She will not give anything of his house in charity without his permission. If she does it, she will commit a sin and her husband will get rewards. She will not keep optional fast without his permission. If she does it and becomes hungry and thirsty, it will not be accepted from her. If she goes out of his house without his permission, the angels curse him till she returns to his house or till she repents. The Prophet said : If I would have ordered anybody to prostrate before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate before her husband, as duties towards him are many. The Prophet said : When a woman stays within her house, she becomes more near God. Her prayer in the courtyard of her house is more meritorious than her prayer in mosque. Her prayer in room is better than her prayer in her courtyard. The Prophet said : A woman is like a private part. When she comes out, the devil holds her high. He said : There are ten private parts of a women. When she gets married, her husband keeps one private parts covered ; and when she dies, grave covers others parts. The duties of a wife towards her husband are many, two
44 Secrets of Marriage Vol-II
out of them are essentially necessary : The first one is to preserve chastity and to keep secret the words of her husband and the second thing is not to demand unnecessary things and to refrain from unlawful wealth which her husband earns.
(2) Don't spend extravagantly the properties of your husband but protect them. The Prophet said: It is not lawful to give in charity the food of his house without his permission but give such ready food as would be spoilt. Asma's said to her daughter at the time her marriage : You are now going to spend such as life where you shall have to live long and you are going to the bed of such a person with whom you have got no acquaintance. You are going to love one with whom you had no love before. Make for him such a world which will be heaven for you, prepare for him such a bed which will be a pillar for you. Be such a slave for him that he might become your slave. Don't go willingly to him, lest you become to him an object of hatred. Don't remain far from him, lest he may forget you. When he remains near you, be near him. When he stays distant from you, save your nose, ears and eyes. Let him not get from you except sweet smile. Let him not hear from you except sweet words. Let him not see in you except beauty.
(3) She would engage herself in good works in the absence of her husband and make enjoyment in the presence of her husband. The Prophet said : If a woman inflicts trouble on her husband, the black-eyed. Hur says : Don't inflict trouble on him. May God destroy you. Now he is with you, perchance he will leave you soon and come to us.
(4) Don't express sorrow for more than four months and ten days when your husband dies. The Prophet said: It is not lawful for a woman who believes in God and the next world to grieve for more than three days except in the case of the death of her husband for whom she should grieve for four months and ten days and she should stay in her husband's house during this time.
(5) She should do all household affairs to her utmost capacity.


E-mail: webmaster - Sign the Guest Book - Islamic Philosophy Home

Page Information: